Haze Grey and Underway

Haze grey and underway!  Deployment 2012 has begun.  The past 48 hours have been ones of great emotion as the crew enjoyed those last moments with their families and those little things we all love about home.  It wasn’t until I woke up this morning that it finally hit me that today was the day.  A bit of uneasiness as I packed my final things from my house quickly melted away as I stepped onboard and felt the energy of my shipmates and the pulse of a ship ready to do what we’ve been trained to do.

 

This morning, the ship was crawling with families.  Many former crewmembers that are still in the local area came to the pier to offer their good wishes.  It is quite a sight to watch the goodbyes, waves, and tears from the families left on the pier as the last mooring line came on deck and the Boatswain’s Mate announces, “Underway!  Shift Colors!”  We did our best to keep focus and get the ship safely to sea.

 

I’m reflecting this evening on what those words really mean from the Gospel, to set out “into the deep”…duc in altum.   What kind of sailor only wants to stay close to their home shores?  We’d not consider them a true sailor at all!  In the same regard, what kind of Christian only wants to stay in “shallow waters” and live merely “comfortably” in their spiritual lives?  God needs Christians who are willing to set out into the deep, just as he directed the apostles at the lake of Gennesaret.  We may give excuses (like Peter), “We have worked all night and caught nothing!”  But beyond our human tendency to doubt, to worry, to fear--we have to, in faith, respond as Peter did, by putting out into the deep and lowering our nets at our Master’s command.  What else are we to do?  Say “no” to our Lord’s advice??  Just as I desire to be a true sailor by proving my seamanship and setting out into deep waters, I desire even more to be a true Christian by proving my faith in His word, trusting despite my hesitations.  Discomfort?  Difficulties?  Unclear future?  Bring it. 

 

Our generation is being asked to set out into deep waters, deeper than ever before.  The waters are uncharted and are most certainly in harm’s way, with persecutions essentially promised to us.  Luckily, our ship is the fastest and best on the seas.  With the Church as our ship, the Body of Christ as her crew, led by the Bishops as our officers, commanded by the Holy Father, our Captain, we can carry out the mission of God’s kingdom to propose Jesus Christ to a world greatly in need of hope.  Time to get underway.  Don’t be the one left behind.

 

“I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail fast; for I intend to go into harm’s way.”

~John Paul Jones, 1778

Test Blog via Email

Just testing this great feature of posting a blog via email. This will work wonders when I face the bandwidth battle at sea!

Lament

I'm Mary and I'm Martha all at the same time
I'm sitting at His feet and I'm dying to be recognized
I am the picture of contentment and I am dissatisfied
Why is it easy to work but hard to rest sometimes


I'm restless and I rustle like a thousand tall trees
I'm twisted and I'm turning in an endless daydream
You wrestle me at night and I wake in search of You
Try as I might, but I just can't catch You, but I want to
Cause I need You, yeah I need You, I can't catch You, but I want to


Oh how long, how long until I'm home
Cause I'm so tired, so tired of running
Oh how long, until You come for me
Cause I'm so tired, so tired of running


Audrey Assad - Lament

Our Lady, Star of the Sea, pray for us.

In Awe of the Father

My latest post over at Mysterium. Enjoy!

Desiring Excellence

It seems as though the focus of my life on the ship, particularly as an officer, is correcting deficiencies. Our days are spent preparing for the next inspection, the next assessment, or the next certification. Since we are to always be inspection-ready and combat-ready, we are taught to maintain a critical eye, especially of our own ship/spaces/sailors. These self-assessments come in the smallest of ways, like in passing a sailor in the passageway and giving their uniform a once-over for sharpness; or in the big ways, like in preparing a ship for its deployment readiness certification.

We are taught that there is a standard, and that the standard must be enforced. So, each time you pass by a sailor who needs a haircut, a firehose stowed improperly, a passageway that has not been swept for days, etc, and do not do something to correct the deficiency, you are failing to enforce the standard. So what should you do? You stop the sailor and remind him to get a haircut. You report to the division responsible that their firehose needs to be restowed or their passageway needs to be swept. Then, the most important part. You go back and verify that the deficiency was actually corrected. It's not enough to just report it and "pass the buck." Some of the best words of advice for a young officer are those of the great President Ronald Reagan: "trust but verify."

I feel like I spend way too much of my time correcting deficiencies. Don't get me wrong--I know there will always be deficiencies to correct, but how do you move from the place of constantly pinging on people get their work done and be mindful of the details to getting them to actually take ownership of their equipment, their spaces, their responsibilities, so that I have less "deficiency correcting" to do? How do I inspire a sailor to do what they are supposed to do, not because they fear my watchful eye, but because they want to be excellent? And should I find a deficiency, that they be upset for not catching it themselves and desire to quickly correct it? How do we get to that point?

I will certainly spend my career, and beyond, figuring that one out. Until then, I try to instill in my sailors a desire to be excellent and to do the right thing simply by trying to be excellent and do the right thing myself. It's a challenge. But I don't quite know of any other way to do it than lead by example and hope that they will follow. Why settle for being great when you could be excellent?

Where Truth and Beauty Meet

I'm happy to have just had my first blog post published on Mysterium's blog, "Where Truth and Beauty Meet to Transform Culture." Check it out!

Mysterium is home to such projects as the band Marian Grace, the prayer book Oratio, and a movement in the Church to transform the culture from within. Our faith does not have to be seperate from our existence in the culture that we find ourselves in--in fact, our practice of deeply living our Catholic faith from while experiencing the culture is what will ultimately transform it. There is nothing more attractive than someone truly trying to live out their faith, right among the ordinary things of life; in fact, I'd consider that to be the starting point of evangelization.

His eye is on the sparrow

This has definitely been "the summer of Audrey Assad," at least when it comes to what has been most frequently enjoyed on my iPod! (haha, no rhyme intended) Her latest album, "The House You're Building," has been a staple in my life these past couple months. I started listening to it in its fullness around March and kept it on throughout the summer. Its songs have expressed the realities of my heart through what has been the most unexpectedly formative period in my life.

A song she has yet to release, but can be heard in her concerts and captured in some recordings online, is called "Sparrow." You can listen to it here. The lyrics follow.

Why should I be lonely, long for heaven and home
When Jesus is my portion and a constant Friend I know

I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free
For His eye is on the sparrow, His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He's watching me

Why should I be troubled when His tender word I hear
I rest on His goodness in my doubt and in my fear

It's hard to imagine life as a little sparrow. These tiny birds eat seeds, fly around, and live a seemingly meaningless existence. But their voice, their song, is beautiful and precious to God, their Creator. If God could so esteem a sparrow as to keep His eye on him, how much more does He esteem and keep guard over us? Why should we be lonely or troubled?

Rest on the goodness of the Lord.

For All My Life...Pale Ale

This past Monday was the Final Profession for the Dominican Sisters of Saint Cecilia in Nashville, and one of my dear friends professed her final vows! Amazing! I've known her for over four years now, and I'd gotten to spend many moments with her during the past six months in particular, leading up to this beautiful day. It has been a grace to get to witness those final months before she professed her vows to the Lord "for all my life." I sadly was not able to be there in Nashville to witness it in person, but very dearly held to my heart the words of Saint John Vianney, that "Miles melt before the tabernacle!"

I don't think I've blogged about it before, but upon returning home from my deployment, I got into homebrewing. That's right, brewing my own beer! It's a perfect combination of my love for cooking, for science, and for delicious craft beer! :-) I thought there would be no way more appropriate to celebrate and commemorate my dear friend making her final vows than to brew a commemorative beer in honor of her and her Sisters on this special occasion. The recipe I used is a clone of my favorite craft beer, Magic Hat #9, a pale ale with a hint of apricot. If I could only drink one beer for the rest of my life, it would be that one. So in light of that fact, and in honor of those words that my friend and her Sisters professed on Monday, I've named the brew "For-All-My-Life Pale Ale." It will be ready in four weeks--I'll let you know how it turns out!

I enjoyed a Magic Hat #9 while brewing...so hopefully it will end up tasting like this! I used a frosty pint glass from Southend Brewery in Charleston, SC--hometown of my dear friend who made her final vows!

Fermentation in progress, with previous homebrews in the background!!

The Next Step

Woe to me if I should prove myself

but a halfhearted soldier

in the service of

my thorn-crowned Captain.

Saint Fidelis of Sigmarigen

Yesterday, I completed my temporary duty assignment and returned back to my ship to start my second tour, my next two years onboard. It was a big step, with much more significance than simply checking back in and getting my orders stamped!

The opportunity God has given me to return to the same ship for my second tour is truly a blessing. It was an offer that I first rejected--and it took a second opportunity and a blatantly clear manifestation of God's will for me to accept; but all in God's planning, I suppose! I am so renewed and refreshed thanks to the time I was able to spend away from the ship, and am ready to return and continue the good work that God has already begun onboard, particularly in the hearts of my shipmates.

I know my excitement and positive attitude is at the risk of being quickly subdued as I report back and am reminded of the rigors of sea duty and shipboard life. But my confidence rests in God alone, and not in myself--for surely nothing would be accomplished if it was only up to me and my weak heart!

I was blessed to receive a text of the quote above this morning from a dear one. It couldn't have come at a better time. This will be the motto I take with me as I embark upon the next two years--may I never be halfhearted! Please pray for me and for my ship, that God may be glorified here.

Never Far From Home

"O precious and wonderful banquet, that brings us salvation and contains all sweetness! Could anything be of more intrinsic value? What could be more wonderful than this? No other sacrament has greater healing power; through it sins are purged away, virtues are increased, and the soul is enriched with an abundance of every spiritual gift. Yet, in the end, no one can fully express the sweetness of this sacrament, in which spiritual delight is tasted at its very source, and in which we renew the memory of that surpassing love for which Christ revealed in His passion."

~Saint Thomas Aquinas, O.P.


Happy solemnity of Corpus Christi! I have particular affection for this feast day, because discovering our Lord's true presence in the Eucharist was the instrument of my "reversion" to the Catholic faith.

Growing up Catholic, and always going through sacramental formation in my various parishes, I always knew the Eucharist was special--that there was some great significance to our Communion, and that it wasn't just like other churches and their partaking of the Lord's Supper. But I didn't really know what that meant. I didn't really know much more than that it was special and significant.

I first truly recognized our Lord, in His Eucharistic presence, during my confirmation retreat in 10th grade, and He then reinforced the reality of His presence the following summer at the Steubenville South Youth Conference in Alexandria, LA. Unfortunately, my lack of spiritual maturity, and lack of involvement in a youth group community led me to quickly forget the reality I had so beautifully experienced during those times. But major seeds were planted.

It took getting to a really low and lost point in my life to realize that what I was searching for the whole time was Him--I was off trying to fill that void in my life, that desire for Jesus, with anything but Him. It took a random retreat I hastily attended at the last minute, a few months before my graduation from high school, for God to allow me another opportunity to meet Him, face to face, in the Most Blessed Sacrament. And there He came. So simply, so humbly, so beautifully. For me. Right in front of me. Despite my failings. Despite running away from Him. He was still there. And always has been!

My entire life changed after that point. I mean, if you REALLY believe in the Real Presence, it should change everything about your life! As Saint Augustine commented--normally, our bodies receive food, in order for us to take that food and turn it into ourselves. But in receiving the Eucharist, we receive the Bread of Angels in order to become what we consume--Jesus, in His fullness.

As I sometimes tell my Protestant friends--when Jesus told His disciples that He would be with them even until the end of time, or when He took bread wine at the Last Supper and said "this is My Body, this is My Blood, do this in remembrance of Me"...do you think He was only kidding?! He wasn't!

The universality of the Eucharist has been particularly beautiful for me during my various travels in the Navy. Anywhere we went in the world, any port we visited, in any country, I knew I could find a Catholic church. And no matter the language, no matter the local customs, no matter what--Jesus would be there, fully, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, in His Eucharistic presence. With that reality, I was never far from home. I was at home in every place I visited, all around the world, whenever I was sitting before the tabernacle.

Thank you Lord, for remaining with us. May we become what we eat, and through that reality, transform our world.